I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
