trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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