I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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