sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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