i just google imaged poop.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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