omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
