He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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