I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
