i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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