Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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