so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
