Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
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so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
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And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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