I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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