Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
