Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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