My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
