Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She's the barista slut.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
