Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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