MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
