Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
