im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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