Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
