my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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