I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
