WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
