a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
