piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
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You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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