can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
