gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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