I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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