Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
