don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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