awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize