i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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