I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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