I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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