Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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