My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
