Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I could make wine with my vomit
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
