No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
