Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.

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(586): View more from Michigan

You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.

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(559): View more from California

I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.

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(303): View more from Colorado

how did operation slutty penguin go?

(619): View more from California

pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.

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(801): View more from Utah

We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.

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(602): View more from Arizona

I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...

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(775): View more from Nevada

maybe i should limp back to therapy...

(1-775): View more from Nevada

oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof

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(434): View more from Virginia

Whats a little breast milk between friends?

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