Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
