I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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