the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
