What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
fuck your aforementioned shoe
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
