But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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