his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
