she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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