youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
