....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
