We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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