He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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