I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
