So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
