getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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