I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
