Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
