Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
