Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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