Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
