just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I supernannyed him into submission
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
