My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
